The Power of Surrender: A Lesson in Leadership, Failure, and Growth
- Alexandra Fleur
- Mar 6
- 4 min read
Handwritten Thoughts from a Journal – 2012
"Would surrendering mean I may need to give up false ideas about the way my world works?"
The entry continues:
"Shame for [losing my position]Shame for struggling.Fear that what I do today will not be good enough.
Do I trust that being diligent/faithful to small steps will actually take me somewhere?
The mythology I live by is that [small steps] won’t [take me anywhere]. My magical thinking is that out of desperation and survival, I must do more, must have greater control because I am so uncertain. So, then work becomes fearful. It means too much if it means I must—by my own will and talent—make everything better.”
I could not have been in a more precarious place when those words were written. The preceding pages of the journal describe a critical conversation with my business partner, prompted by an investor’s calculated power play to push me out of the company I co-founded.
Years later, when I revisited this entry, I was surprised to realize that my response had been to let go. Of all the possible reactions, surrendering wasn’t the most obvious choice—but in this case, it was the one that led to growth. It became a pivotal moment, not just for my personal development, but for the evolution of the company as well.
Yet, surrender isn’t always our first instinct. More often, we default to other strategies in an attempt to regain control.
What We Choose Instead:
Resisting – Fighting against reality, refusing to accept what is. For me, resistance came from my hyper-achiever. Failure was not an option. My value and worth depended on success. That resistance led to unnecessary failure.
Overanalyzing – Getting stuck in loops of “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Hyper-vigilance is paralyzing, causing inaction and avoidance.
Numbing – Distracting ourselves with work, screens, or other habits to avoid discomfort.
Blaming – Shifting responsibility to external factors or other people.
Forcing – Trying to push a situation into submission instead of allowing a natural resolution.
Shutting Down – Emotionally withdrawing rather than facing what needs to be addressed.Feeling overwhelmed triggered my avoider saboteur, which only delayed the inevitable.
Seeking Perfection – Believing that if we just get everything right, we’ll avoid uncertainty. This one was huge for me as a first-time CEO and caused a lot of unnecessary pain.
The Turning Point: Curiosity Over Shame
My business partner shared some painful truths about my work and leadership—or lack thereof. It was a vulnerable and humbling conversation. The turning point for me was curiosity—asking myself “what if?” That question led me to a third option, beyond shame or destruction. It went something like this:
I asked, What if this is true?
An investor was using harsh tactics to manipulate me out of the company and had strong opinions about my contribution. Asking this question created space for me to admit that I was not infallible. And honestly, it was a relief. I’d been holding my breath.
I was a co-founder and visionary, but I was not a CEO. I was trying my best because I wanted the best for the company, our tech, and my business partner. I approached my work wholeheartedly, even if I’d failed. The journey was painful. But the question, “What if?” enabled me to admit it.
Anchored by Values
I want what’s best. If leaving is best for the company, then it’s best.
This is an example of being anchored by values. By navigating through my values—of truly wanting the best for the company—I could see the benefit, even if it meant stepping away. My values gave me peace in the midst of a difficult conversation.
Boundaries: Surrendering Isn’t Weakness
Surrender didn’t mean rolling over. Just because I wasn’t the right fit for a role didn’t mean I deserved mistreatment, slander, or bullying. Admitting what I didn’t do well allowed for a candid conversation about what I did do well, what we did well together, and what could be improved.
Allowing the investor to malign and bully me was against my values—and against the values my business partner and I had built the company on. Pinning every negative outcome on my performance wasn’t honest, and it didn’t reflect our mutual commitment to integrity and shared responsibility.
The Resolution: A New Path Forward
The solution became clear because surrendering made a different kind of conversation possible. My co-founder wanted to be CEO. He was burnt out from his CTO role, and stepping into leadership felt life-giving for him. I was happy to support his efforts by doing what I can do best.
That critical conversation became a benchmark that enabled us to move into new spaces with renewed energy and focus. I ended up staying—focusing on human-centered design for the final iteration of our product, which ultimately led to an acquisition.
Though we can’t credit the entire journey to surrender, it was a turning point. Letting go of control opened the door to clarity, collaboration, and a better future—for me, for the company, and for the people we served.
What about you?
Have you ever faced a moment where surrender—not pushing harder—was the real path forward? What did it look like for you?
Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Let’s start a conversation.👇
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